Trail Trash #001: The Great Walmart Campground Orgy of Louisiana

Location: Somewhere in Louisiana

Vibe: Confused. Slightly terrified. Desperately trying not to inhale the smell of hot dogs at 6am.

We pull into a Walmart parking lot in Louisiana around midnight — the classic RV’er move when you’re just looking to crash for free, snag a Walmart breakfast sandwich, hit the gas station coffee, and be back on the highway by 7:00 AM sharp.

But this… this wasn’t that.

No, friends. This was Walmart Gone Wild.

I roll up expecting a sleepy, low-profile lineup of RVs parked quietly near the garden center. Instead, I stumble onto a scene that looked like someone started Burning Man next to a Dollar Tree.

Slides were out. Generators were humming like a techno DJ set .Lawn chairs were everywhere — one dude was grilling ribs under a solar-powered gazebo while his wife played Uno with a neighboring fifth wheel crowd. There were toddlers on scooters, a dude in Crocs walking a parrot, and at least two people who made eye contact with me like I was the intruder.

Bro.

This is RV’ing 101 — you don’t turn stealth camping into a damn tailgate. The point of sleeping at Walmart is to NOT get Walmart to ban overnight parking. But these folks set up like they had a lease agreement and a block party permit.

So what did we do?

We crept to the opposite side of the parking lot like we were sneaking past a crime scene. No lights. No slides. No noise. Just me, my dog Kala, and a deep fear that I’d be invited to a potluck hosted by a man named Randy with an American flag tank top and no shame.

We slept like fugitives behind the auto center and hit the road at dawn, desperate to reach San Antonio and pretend we never saw any of it.

To the Walmart Campground Cult of Louisiana: You were bold. You were shameless. And you’re the reason the rest of us have to beg a Cracker Barrel manager to let us park behind the dumpster now.

Do better. Or at least… hide the lawn chairs.

That's all for now... Happy Trails without the lawn chairs in parking lots.

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